Powerless
by nighttime writer
Summary: How did Dallas get so hard? Was there someone Dallas Winston actually cared for? Was there someone other than Johhny Cade that Dallas would die for? R/R plz
1. procrastinating

Disclaimer: I only own Bryan and Brennan and the plot.  
  
A/N: Please be nice this is my first attempt at a story! Oh well r/r Oh and if u see Colt, that was my mistake. Colt=Bryan  
  
"I'm sorry Dallas, but he's dying," The doctor told me. I sat down on the chair letting the information sink in. My youngest brother was dying, and I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't help my brother in any way. All I could do was sit and watch him die. After all he's been through, after all the miracles, conquering the odds, he was going to die.  
  
"You're shitting me. Tell me you're fucking shitting me!" I said looking up. I didn't hold the same macho look I always had. What's the point of trying to show I didn't care. I do care.  
  
"There is an alternative, but the outcome isn't predictable. This procedure has been done before, but it maybe once in a lifetime kind of thing," Dr. Haywood, the doctor, told me. I looked up, his tired eyes met my frustrated ones. "The money, Dallas, I'm telling you as a friend, this is slim to none. This is going to be even more for you to pay."  
  
"If Bryan says he wants you to do the procedure, then I can give you the money. Someway legal, I'll come up with the money," I said getting up.  
  
"How?" Dr. Haywood asked interested.  
  
"No one asked how Bryan survived the accident, he just did. No one asked how Bryan could be perfect, they just knew. No one asked how Doc, not with Bryan. Don't start, because no one knows those answers. I'll call my brother, maybe he could help," I said getting out of the office. I couldn't stand it in there. I couldn't stand the hospital. I needed to get away. Away from it all. Away from everybody, but I couldn't. I'm not a bird, I'm not someone like Bryan, or Ponyboy who can get lost in their own little world. I'm not them, I'm just Dallas. And just Dallas doesn't cut it for a lot of things, but I know one thing. I cut it enough in Bryan's life, I couldn't lose that. Not that too.  
  
I went up to the payphone in the corner of Suton and Greenly. I dialed a number I knew so well, but choose not to contact. Brennan was part of my past. Part of the good times, part of me that I choose to ignore, until now. He had such a good life, a bed to sleep in, food on the table, no worries in the world. He had the life Bryan deserved. He had the life that everyone wished for. He had it all, and for that I hated him. I hate him still, but I knew I needed to do this. This was for Bryan. Funny how some bad times could spark a good. Funny how everyone bonded closer together to help Bryan recover. To watch him grow, to watch him fall, just to help me once more. Everyone forgot their differences for Bryan, and now he was going to die. No! He's not going to die. He's going to live. He has to.  
  
"Hello?" A deep voice said answering the phone. I stood there silent scared to say anything. This was the moment of truth. I was going to have to talk to save Bryan, forget my grudge against my own brother.  
  
"Hello?" He asked again, getting annoyed.  
  
"Brennan.it's uh, it's Dallas," I said stumbling over my words. My voice unfamiliar to my own self.  
  
"Dallas?" He asked surprised. I promised him in front of his face I wouldn't call him if it was the last thing in the world. But now here I am, about to grovel on my knees, all for my brother.  
  
"Listen, can you meet me at the Dingo tonight. We have to talk," I said quietly.  
  
"Yeah, sure 7 alright with you?" Brennan asked.  
  
"Just fine. I got to go, but I'll meet you there. Bye," I said hanging up.  
  
Well that's over with. But I know the hard part is yet to come. Facing Brennan, Bryan, my life. I'm going to have to face reality now, maybe even by myself. I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready for any of it! I'm not ready to lose the kid. I'm not ready to face Brennan, maybe I never will. I'm not ready to show the world who I am inside because outside, I look hard, not really giving a damn, but inside I'm crumbling. I'm still a lost kid trying to find himself. I'm still one of those ten year old greasers who try to find out if there's a way to make it somehow. But it's too late for me, it's not too late with Bryan.  
  
"Hey Dally!" Sodapop yelled from behind me snapping me back to reality from my thoughts. I gave a half hearted 'hey' as I started walking again. "I know you're scared Dal. We all are. You know the gang is here for ya though right? You know we are right here all the way," Sodapop said seriously.  
  
I looked Soda deep in the eye. He's soft, caring brown eyes meeting my own, cold, shallow blue ones. "I know Sodapop. I know." With that we hug like brothers. Because that's what we are, brothers.  
  
We enter the Curtis household. The usual rampaging of Two-Bit and Steve arguing for the tv and Johnnycakes stuck in the middle wasn't going on. Ponyboy, who was usually reading in the corner, was outside smoking what looked like his third pack of the day. Darry was paying bills in the corner as Steve slept on the couch.  
  
We haven't gotten much sleep in the last few weeks. Coffee had been a necessity for us now. Even Ponyboy and Sodapop switched from chocolate milk to coffee. I watched Steve sleep. Looking at the rythmatic way his chest moved up and down. Watched how he's drool slowly dripped onto the cushions. I noticed how he looked so much younger as the electric fan blew, his messily greased hair, all over the place. I sat down on the other couch promising myself that I wouldn't sleep, only rest my eyelids, but I was asleep before I even hit the pillow. 


	2. Facing the past

When I awoke the house was still much quieter than it usually was. Darry was cooking frozen food, which was what we usually had now. Two-Bit was silently watching Mickey Mouse. I know knew why he ran away to his cartoon. It was a way to escape his problems, just like drinking was another way. It made him forget about the world around him. The pain and suffering of everyone. The way life isn't fair. For once I envied Two-Bit because he had something I didn't have. He had some place to run away. All he had to do was watch mickey mouse and he could get lost in his own little world. Just like Ponyboy gets lost in his watching the sunset, and Bryan with books.  
  
I headed over to the Dingo. It was almost empty, something very uncommon. Everyone was home, the roads weren't busy either. Except an occasional car passing, the road was empty. The dark sky was clear exposing a full moon, and a sky full of stars. Bryan once told me that those were people looking down on us. I laughed at him then, but I know better now.  
  
I looked around noticing Brennan sitting there with a drink in one hand and a watch in the other. I silently laugh to myself. He never really did like anyone who was late. I headed over to him running my fingers through my hair again. He grew since I last saw him. His dark eyes looked much more mellow. They looked like they've matured.  
  
"Hey," I said sitting down looking at him through blood-shot eyes.  
  
"What's wrong?" Brennan asked with concern in his voice as he looked me over. I shrugged him off sitting back down.  
  
"Bryan," I said. Funny how one word was all that was needed to get his undivided attention. "Brennan I can't do this anymore. It's too hard," I broke down letting the tears finally come out. After years of holding them all in, after letting everything hide within me, they finally come pouring out. "he's going to die Brennan. He's going to die and I don't have any way to help him. Please help him?" I asked through sobs. My eyes unclear as I looked through them meeting Brennan's now alarmed brown ones. My voice broke as I told him. I could no longer take care of myself and more importantly Bryan on my own. I needed help doing it. Not just anyone's help though. I needed my brother's.  
  
"Dally what are you talking about? Just calm down please," Brennan said taking me in his arms. I stiffen at first. I never really let anyone comfort me like I was a kid again. I never really let anyone comfort me period. But this time I need it. I'm sick of refusing for things I needed. This hug, I need this hug. I felt safe here, under Brennan's arms. I felt like a ten year old again.  
  
I remember crying in his arms once, when dad hit me. I just laid there crying, just like I was crying now. And I remember him being there, letting me soak his shirt. Letting me be who I was, letting me be his little brother. Now it was there again. Through silent, unspoken terms, I forgave him, and I know he knows. The years of searching for him is finally over, and now I'm in his strong arms letting me feel safe for a brief second.  
  
"Bryan's dying Brennan. There's something wrong with his brain or something complicated. Something bad happened, that's all I know, but god damned it he's dying," I said trying to calm down, but then bawling even harder when I couldn't control it. Brennan rubbed my back gently only holding me tighter, closer, making me feel better protected.  
  
"Start from the beginning. Just tell me everything Cowboy, it'll be alright," Brennan said using his pet name for me. I haven't heard that since I was five, since he had left. Hearing it made me feel more safe, but I know that I was procrastinating. I was ignoring the fact it won't be alright, because I was listening to him sweet talk me. I was listening to him trying to protect me. I know that it wouldn't be alright. Life is too complicated for it to be alright. But I still want to believe him. I still want to believe that all he said was right. I still want to believe that everything was alright, but I know it isn't. It's not alright when my brother is dying and I wasn't there right next to him. It wasn't alright when I was still ignoring Brennan's pleas for the story.  
  
"Bryan and I were walking to Buck Merril's house last year. It was dark, and it was prom night for the highschoolers, meaning drunken socs. We had just finished crossing the street and we turn around seeing a speeding car. I tried to grab the kid, but it was too late. He had already grabbed the girl out of harm's way pushing the girl right before the car hit. That car must have been going a hundred miles per hour because Bryan literally went flying into the air. The cops were surprise he was still alive. He was in a coma though. For five months he was in a coma, people said he would already be dead. Everyone was hoping for a miracle. Then, one day, we all find out that this brain surgeon was visiting his relatives over in the rich side of town. It turned out that it was Cherry Valance's, Pony's friend, uncle. Through special circumstances, he operated on Bryan. Bryan woke up a few weeks after. It was already a miracle he survived, because it was the first time the operation had ever been done. And for once I had made the right decision saying yes. We all thought the worst was over, but really it was still coming. Bryan barely remembered anything starting over from scratch. He couldn't store a lot of information in his brain, his schoolworks suffered. But damn that kid could be so stubborn. I told him I wanted to pull him out of school, so he could better recover, and damn that kid got so mad at me he wouldn't speak for a week. Then one day he came home, a grin of triumpth on his face shoving a perfect S.A.T. test in my face waving it around like it was J. Lo's autograph. Well I thought everything was going fine, and so did everyone else in town. Their star athlete was back, his grades were stable, his humor, everything we missed about Bryan was back.  
One day he was in school, he had a seizure. He shook uncontroably. The school called the paramedics. That was all the talk in the city. I was in the cooler at the time so I didn't know. When I got out though, people came rushing to me angry at why I did something. When I found out Bryan was in the hospital I rushed over there hot wiring a old broken down car. When I got there, I found out that he's dying. I left the hospital running, wanting to run from it all. Wanting to forget, but before I did the doctor said there would be a procedure that could work. I don't have the money for it. Now I'm asking you now for Bryan's sake, and mine, can you please help me pay for this procedure?" I asked Brennan. This was the moment of truth. This was going to decide it all. His answer would determine Bryan's faith, and I'm not ready, but I know I'm going to have to share my brotherly responsibilities with Brennan from here on out. 


	3. opposites

Thanx for all the reviews! If my updates don't come right away it means I'm grounded from the computer. Just a heads up. Ok, I hope this is where I left you guys off.  
  
"Yeah, of course I'll help you. What makes you think I won't? But that's a lot of information you just threw at me. Wait first of all, how come you never told me about it all. I know I left a number. How come you never kept in touch. I mean you always.and when I do call you guys, Brad, er I mean your dad, always picks up the phone hollering at me to never call, so I never call," Brennan started trying to say sorry to me indirectly. My sobs subsided as I was totally engrossed in my thoughts. So this is how it feels to have a brother. This is how it feels to be loved. Wait, he doesn't love me, or does he. Damn I'm so confused!  
  
"Want to go see him? I mean you drive," I said getting up wiping away tears. I couldn't sit there any longer thinking about Bryan. I had to see him, I'm going to have to see him. I got to see him. He's my brother, my little dependent brother, my little dependent brother who was dying. Dying and I wasn't there. I need to be there, I have to be there.  
  
The whole ride was me and Brennan lost in our own thoughts. I worrying about Bryan, and Brennan still surprised that I actually phoned him. Heck I was too. Then again I'm desperate. I need my brother to survive. I need my family to survive. I needed him to survive for both of us. He survived and lived for both of us. Without him, my world would crumble beneath me. Without him, I won't be me. More importantly, without him, I couldn't live. Life's been hell for seventeen fucking years. Mom dying, brother running away, abusive father. Drunken socs. Tough vicous gangs waiting to tear you up, if you walked alone. Old fashion jumpings, but through it all, I had my brother there, encouraging me to be better. Showing me that life was worth living. Showing me the little things that meant so much. Always being there after a good fight. Being able to whine about the smallest things in front of him. Being able to be who I was in front of him. No, without him I wouldn't survive. He needed to survive for the both of us.  
  
"Dallas?" Brennan's voice bringing me back from my thoughts. I looked around, at first confused, but I then realized that I was there, in the hospital, ready to see Colt. But in my heart I know I'm not ready. I'm not ready to face my dying brother yet. I'm not ready for reality to sink in. All I want is this to be a dream, one that I could wake up from with an arm slung around Bryan. All I want is for this to be a horrible dream with Bryan and Two-Bit laughing the next day as Bryan told the gang. All I wanted was this to be one big nightmare. But I know it's not just a nightmare, it's also reality.  
  
We walked swiftly through mazes of corridors until we found Bryan's room. Bryan had looked even paler than when I last saw him. He looked so tired and worn out. Like he was giving up on life. Damn it, I'm soppose to be there. I'm soppose to be the one to save that damn kid from the stupid soc. This is all my fucking fualt. This is all my fualt! Now how am I going to correct this? How am I going to rescue my brother like I'm soppose to. All the responsibilities are up to me. Me and me alone. I had to take care of myself, but I also have to take care of my little brother.  
  
"Hey Bryan. C'mon kid wake up," I said shaking him gently. His eyes fluttered fraily to acknowledge us. His head turned to my side, and behind those pained eyes, I saw the dancing ones. He managed a weak grin as I gave him a hug. His dimples still showing despite the small little grin.  
  
"Hey Dallas. Thought you'd never show," He said hoarsly, his voice barely recognizable. There was too much pain in his voice. I had left out the part that he gotten jumped right before the seizure, but now I knew I shouldn't have. My helpless brother was laying before me, scared silly, and all I can do is watch him. Watch him and worry. Nothing else. I've never felt so helpless about anything in my whole life.  
  
"Naw kid, I always show. Listen I want you to meet someone. Remember how I always told you we had an older brother? Yeah well, he's here kid. Brennan, Bryan. Bryan, Brennan," Brennan looked down at body. Yes, that's his body, his soul was out hunting for Soda's football, or at Buck's with a horse. He was with Johnny at the bowling alley playing pinball. Yes Bryan's soul is there, he just forgot his body here.  
  
We all got lost into heavy concentration. Bryan's repirator (a/n I have no clue what anything is so bear with me) and heart monitor are the only things making any noise. Every once in awhile you could hear Bryan wince in pain as he shifted positions. Brennan looking out the window and into the heart of Oklohoma City. I sat there thinking about Bryan, life, and for some odd reason death. Do we go on living even after death? How do we go on living after someone we cared for died? How did I? And that's when the answer hit me, smack dab in my face. Bryan was there when they died. Bryan was there to mourn with. If Bryan dies, I couldn't mourn with him. I could mourn with the gang, Tim, Curly, every grease in Tulsa, maybe even Brennan, but I can't mourn with Bryan. He'd be dead.  
  
"Hey Dally?" My head snapped up as I heard my brother calling for me. I looked deep into his blue eyes, seeing how oppisite we really are. His eyes were the same color blue as me, but they were warm telling his feelings, while mine were cold and heartless only showing my hate towards the world. His were huge, big like Johnny's always craving the attention, while mine were small, but it scared people silly. His were deep while mine were just cheap. We were two complete opposites. He was a jock, and I could care less about sports. He cared for school, again, I could care less. He was deep and emotional, while I was shallow and cheap. What was the biggest difference was that he still had hope in the world. He still thinks there are some good, in this world, while I already gave the thought up.  
  
"Yeah kid?" I asked trying to see the same kid I was looking at the time he got arrested, or the time he got caught with Grand Theft Auto, but I couldn't find him. It was just a costume Bryan puts on. It's just a costume he could take off, but I couldn't. This tough look on my face I can't wash off. This dirty attitude I can't just throw into the laundry. No, this bad boy attitude is going to stick with me, because it's who I am, but it's not who Bryan is.  
  
"About the surgery." Bryan started. It struck me that I'm thinking he already said yes. But he has to say yes, I mean why wouldn't he. After all he did love life. He had to say yes. He just has to say yes.  
  
A/N so what's Bryan's answer? You guys wont know until u r/r. Hint hint, wink wink, cough cough. lol 


End file.
